The State of Me by Nasim Marie Jafry

Author:Nasim Marie Jafry [Jafry, Nasim Marie]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: The Friday Project
Published: 2010-06-23T23:00:00+00:00

18

Granny Fleet, Peter and Finn

WHEN YOU LOOK at your face in the mirror for a long time – just keep staring – you don’t recognise yourself anymore. It’s like when you say the same word over and over again until it loses its meaning. I have been staring for ages and I realise that my eyes are too high up. I’d never noticed before.

At first I thought it was a wrong number: no voice then a gravelly throat-clearing followed by Granny Fleet’s accusing tones. We hadn’t seen her for years, she’d taken Peter’s side in their divorce and left Rita without a name – she’d never really accepted her son marrying someone from a council house. She still phoned us occasionally, when she was bored or in a bad mood. She looked like a man and was always crunching Oddfellows. She was much better off than my other granny but she used to give us jotters for Christmas and still sent us cheap Christmas cards that you could spit through. Why does she still bother with cards when she hates us? I asked Rita. She’s lonely, said Rita. It makes her feel as if she’s got friends.

Is that you, Helen?

Yes.

It’s Granny Fleet.

I know.

I was just thinking about you, there was an article about your condition in the paper. I thought I’d send it to you. It’s very interesting.

What does it say?

It suggests that if you had a more positive attitude to the illness, you would have more chance of getting better. You’re in a vicious circle of thinking youll never get better and that’s what’s keeping you ill.

Granny Fleet, the article is rubbish, I don’t want it. I’ve explained my illness to you before!

You’ve sunk into a long depression without even knowing it, and your mother isn’t helping by being at your constant beck and call.

Are you quite finished? I’m going to go, you’re upsetting me.

There’s no need for that tone, young lady, I’m just trying to help.

There’s a lot of inaccurate stuff published about ME – you have to have it to properly understand it.

She cleared her throat so the venom could get out: Are you ever going to get a job, Helen?

I can’t work, you know I can’t!

It’s scandalous that you’ve thrown away the chance of a good education.

I’m going to phone Dad and tell him what you’re saying. You’re a poisonous old woman. Just leave me alone!

I slammed the phone down and picked it up to dial Peter, but Witchy Fleet hadn’t hung up yet, she was still there, tutting and rasping. I slammed the phone down for a second time and waited for a couple of minutes before dialling Peter’s surgery. His receptionist said he was with a patient. I told her it was important.

He called me back half an hour later. He said the receptionist had said I sounded terrible.

Your mother’s been on the phone, dispensing her gems of wisdom, I said. She’s so vicious, I hate her!

Helen, you know what she’s like, why do you waste your energy getting upset?

I can’t help it.

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